An open letter: #TweetLikeABlackGirl

An open letter: #TweetLikeABlackGirl

The #TweetLikeABlackGirl trending topic has stirred up a lot of emotions in me. To see an onslaught of nothing but negative and untrue stereotypes circle the internet as fun and jokes is saddening. Black women are constantly portrayed as ghetto, loud, angry, illiterate, baby mamas, on welfare, with weave as a life source and top priority. In truth, we are college educated, successful, ambitious, eloquent, strong, and beings of self expression and beauty. The internalized ideologies of the Black female (and male) are truly disheartening. These stereotypes stem from mainstream media and ideas that are promoted by Whites to keep us enslaved. It’s also, sad that many black girls and women will never even become aware of the chains that bind them. I have always been aware of my Blackness, but it wasn’t until my stint at UT that I truly became aware of the world around me and it has been a learning process since then.

Black women are the Mothers of civilization and birthed humanity, we are descendants of Queens, but have lost our identity to the point where we are treated as less than peasants. The Black figure is deemed inhumane. We have been diminished and reduced to a woman who “can’t get a black man or a white one for that matter” when in reality, our black men are currently in jail or dead and historically they were sold and separated from us during slavery anyway. And in truth, the white man has always been intrigued and fascinated by the Black woman, especially during slavery. Black fatherhood was dismantled and destroyed during slavery. The slave trade reduced Black men to merely sperm donors and reproductive entities. See any parallels today? Today, our men are stripped from our communities by George Zimmermans and the “Justice” system. They portray us as “independent” and disrespectful to our men, when there are Black women ready and willing to treat our KINGS as such.

Since we were brought to the Americas we have been pitted against each other and forced to compete. We fight each other daily about the shade of our skin ( dark versus light), but barely look to the root of the problem. These insecurities and hatreds stemmed directly from the plantation and the slave master. We were bought and sold as good and bad commodity, stolen from our homeland and stripped of our humanity. Robbed of our basic needs and human instincts, we are struggling to regain our true identity.

People will continue to argue: it’s just twitter, it’s not that serious, it’s all in fun. But, to me there is nothing funny nor insignificant about it. We have been trained to be conditioned to our conditions. Some Black people even go as far as to defend their master, and take up for the White people saying those things. Who taught you to hate yourself?? Why do we have to sit back, relax, and hush so as not to ruffle the feathers of the White man and be deemed just another angry Black woman. Why do we have to fear standing up to dispel these ridiculous stereotypes and be portrayed as who we truly are. Why can’t we be revolutionaries instead of sex symbols and video vixens?? None of the Black women in my family or that I associate with embody these stereotypes that are being presented. Why, with a trending topic that specifically addresses Black women, is there not ONE positive tweet. And why are we allowing it?! I have no more respect for the Black people who are joining in the Sambo show than I do their masters. The tweets are all unoriginal, recycled, and disrespectful. I’m truly surprised that only three other people on my Timeline chose to comment back to those tweets and show the Internet “world” that this is NOT OKAY. Hopefully, I can incite more people to speak out on this, it is bigger than “just Twitter” and we don’t have to be able to “take a joke”. Until then, peace, love, chicken, and watermelon… *pats weave* I’m out.


Psalm 118:22

"The stone the builders rejected has become the cornerstone" Psalm 118:22

This verse stands out to me so much because of its symbolism. I read it this morning and all kinds of thought started running through my head, I had to write them down. O the outside at first, to me it seemed like one of those “fluff” verses of Psalms…you know, the ones that you kind of glance over while reading but don’t really think they apply to modern day stuff? However, this verse applies to our every day life. Every single day.

"The stone" —We are the stone. From the moment we are born as sinners, we are the stone this verse speaks of. 

"The cornerstone" —or ‘foundation stone’ has great historical and religious context. To be short, it is the first stone laid in a building and determines the entire structure of the rest of the building. The symbolism of it, is great. It is spoke about SIX times in the New Testament (Matthew 21:42,Mark 12:10Luke 20:17Acts 4:11,Ephesians 2:20 and 1 Peter 2:7). 

So, now that we know that we are “the stone” and have/will become “the cornerstone”..what about the rest? “the builders have rejected”?

"The Builders" —though, they often don’t seek to support us we all have "builders" in our lives. They are referred to as builders, because though they their affects may be negative, we still allow them to determine alot in our lives. Builders are often our friends. Are we surrounding ourselves with builders who will help us lay a positive foundation? They can be friends, family, coworkers, the ex we can’t get over, little Billy who pushed us in the second grade. Builders come in many forms, and it’s our job to pray that God will weed them out of our life and our mind. However, sometimes the builder is our own self, sometimes we are our own rejector! We enable mindsets and habits that fill us with negativity, we should be praying Lord, "I am my worst critic" and "Save me from myself". God has already constructed our lives, He should be our only builder. 


“It Ain’t None of Your Friends Business”

“It Ain’t None of Your Friends Business”

This really seems like common sense, but I still think that people just don’t get it. When you are in a relationship, you simply CANNOT tell everyone your business. When you constantly make other people a part of your relationship, you are most certainly compromising any chance at success. NOBODY IN THE WORLD will care about your relationship, like you do! Everyone has that ONE friend/brother/sister, etc that they go to, to LISTEN to their problems, but that should be it. There are so many reasons to keep your relationship between yourself and your partner and here is why including friends could be detrimental:

They Wanted To See You Fail From the Start

Misery adores company. Sometimes, people who are supposed to be your friends are the very people that have wanted to see you fail from the start. They don’t want to lose their “party buddy” or they simply want to see you as miserable as they are.  They are selfish that they have to share you with someone else. They are biased because of their own taste in men/women and how it differs from yours. They do not agree with the way a relationship has “changed” or molded you into a better person. Regardless of what the underlying reasons may be, and regardless of if their intentions are to sabotage your relationship, there may be something inside of them that secretly wants to see you alone or at least not COMMITTED.

Your Friends Won’t Forgive Like You Will

When you run to your friends with every little problem it can get to the point where they are almost expecting you to tell them something bad every time. Especially, when you downplay the good that your partner does (or the bad that you do to bring it on) and Super Size the bad.  Once you have vented and expressed your anger, then go back to your partner and forgive them, it is not as easy for other’s to forgive as you have.  This seems to strike a nerve in some people and they will make it their personal vendetta to see that your relationship never progresses or they will give you enough grief and insults that you eventually give up.  Your friends may NEVER forgive your partner for something they did, but I’m sure they would forgive their partner if they did the same. It’s so different when the shoe is on the other foot.

They Can’t Relate to Being in a Relationship

Plainly put, your friends have not experienced all the laughs, jokes, and heart-felt moments you’ve shared. They do not experience the connection that you and your partner have. Or even worse, you are expressing your problems to friends who are not even IN a relationship. These are the worst people to seek advice from, especially negative advice. You may even have friends who are in a relationship (with a different person everyday, or multiple people at a time). You cannot ask a Ladies Man, Hoe, or Player to guide you in your relationship. You cannot allow yourself to be influenced by people who do not even believe in exclusivity, loyalty, or faithfulness. If you have to seek advice, do it from people who are well grounded in their own relationships and the Word of God.

Other People Look Harder at Your Partner’s Faults

            There are some friends who will see you happy from the start and automatically think, “it’s too good to be true”. They will find any reason as to why the person is not right for you, and not one reason why you should be with them. These may even be people who are jealous of what you have found. They could possibly even feel as if you do not deserve the happiness and try to find any fault in your partner. Nonetheless, anything that your partner does will be grounds for a break-up and will never be right in their eyes. You will never be able to convince these people that your partner is a good person, with some flaws, because all they will ever see is the big neon sign flashing  “FLAWS”.

They Will Refuse to Let You Make Your Own Decisions

            This is the part where I really draw the line. There’s always that person who refuses to let you LIVE. If they do not agree with your decision to be with someone, they will make you pay for it every time you see them. They will nag, whine, and complain as if THEY are the one dating you. There should be something that strikes you odd about a friend that is willing to burn you at the stake for choosing to love someone. There is an ultimate problem if this person goes to great lengths to get other people behind them and tell your business to other’s in hopes of forming a revolt against you! That person seriously needs some help, and for you to tolerate people like that in your life, you will NEVER be happy, and they will NEVER be content with you making your own decisions.

They Won’t Keep Your Matters Confidential

           

            This goes hand in hand with what I said previously about the negative friend who seeks to form an alliance against you. What kind of friend is that? The person who makes it their personal duty to tell everyone else that you know all about your relationship problems. Usually, it’s the person who could do a lot better with keeping their mouth shut, because their own business is a lot more scandalous than yours! If you really want your relationship to be private, talk to your partner when you need to vent – or find some new friends.

There’s Only Three People Who Know What’s Best For Your Relationship –You, Your Partner, and God

           

            NO ONE, I repeat, no one will ever, ever, ever care about your relationship as much as you do. No one will know what its like to spend a day without that person or to imagine forever without that person. No one else can know exactly what will work for your relationship, any decision to end or continue your relationship should be solely to do with you, your partner, and ultimately God. Will that friend be there to keep you warm at night, or will they be out bed hopping and living the party lifestyle that they want to suck you into? Has that friend ever sat down and helped you make a list of pros and cons? Or only the cons? Jealousy is real, whether people realize it or not. Your friend could be upset that you have found the one thing that they are desperately searching for. No relationship is perfect, and the ones that you THINK are perfect is simply because they choose to do their laundry at home –not air it out in the streets. 



He was a heartbeat, just when I thought all possibilities of Love had flatlined
—Me, excerpt from new poem

I’m not going to wait for life to happen….I’m making things happen…No dream is too big..and I’m not too small …
Me

The difference between a WANT and a NEED is like Night and Day. Some things are necessities, some are luxuries. One of the most important tool in self assessment is to learn the difference and what that means for YOU. Sometimes we must Settle in our needs, but we must NEVER settle in our WANTS. Instead we must put aside the sub-par impersonators and patiently await the REAL THING that fulfills those WANTS and in the meantime, realize and accept that our NEEDS are satisfied.
Me



Poets Never Sleep


We had to learn that we’re beautiful. We had to relearn something forcefully taken from us. We had to learn about Black power.
Assata Shakur

Wrote this one for Valentine’s Day


A Spoken Word piece I wrote…


Silly, Needy, Clingy, with a hint of Low Self-Esteem…

        Ladies, this probably describes you or someone that you know. I am TIRED, so tired, of seeing beautiful, smart, intelligent, black women fall victim to perpetuated stereotypes by men and their own effed up mindsets. I have to write about this, I see it EVERYDAY –social networks, books, LIFE. This is a plea to any woman who feels she is undeserving of OR in need of a man. (these are two different concepts). I’ve had it up to here, with the lonely tweets and needy statuses. GROW UP! Everyone has that ONE friend, who cannot FUNCTION without a man; always saying “I need a boyfriend” or “I’m so lonely”. They meet a guy and the next day, they’re making wedding plans! Then they wonder why they keep running guys off! You’re crazy! Stop looking so far into the future and focus on the NOW. You can’t even get to know the guy or show him the real you, because you’re too busy trying to formulate some ever-lasting relationship on the second day. NEWSFLASH: Not gonna happen! 

        Most times the smartest, most beautiful girls are the most needy and naïve. Yes, you would probably make a PERFECT girlfriend for someone, but you’re out there SEARCHING, turning over every bush and looking through every peephole. Chill, and what’s for you will be for you. Then there’s those girls that form these unbreakable emotional bonds through sex. Learn to tell the difference between being genuinely liked and just a f**k. Know what you are getting into BEFORE you take those steps, and if you’re not capable of handling it in hindsight, don’t do it! But if you ARE, then go balls in and accept/enjoy your decision, instead of crying on the phone to your girls when he disappears. Oh, and I have a CURE ALL solution for how to deal with “losing” the guy. Be able to stand on your own feet in the FIRST place. If you can’t be content in bed alone, now; watching movies alone, eating dinner alone, now, what makes you think you will be able to do it after being accustomed to someone’s company? Learn to love yourself, NO be IN love with yourself. I know it’s cliché, but truly, you can’t go looking for love from someone else if you don’t have it within. When you can truly function on your own, it is then you are ready to function with someone else. When you are in love with yourself, you demand a higher level of respect, and it will exude in your actions, causing negative treatment from a guy to be nearly impossible. 

          Speaking of negative treatment, my next point is this: no matter how hard we try, there are going to be men who just aren’t right, try to break us down, add us to a list, or just bide their time toying with our hearts. This is where your mindset comes in. As women, we have been programmed, essentially from birth, that we are to fall in love, serve our man, have a happy ending, blah blah blah. Sure that premise holds in ideology and in movies and books, but how many times have you witnessed it exemplified in REAL LIFE? This is where you have to be real with yourself, and begin to work on re-programming the overload of bullcrap that society has placed on our backs. This is where you say “I don’t HAVE to be that girl. I don’t HAVE to want that. Or act that way.” This is where you decide that, contrary to popular belief, being a woman does not mean needing a man. Women have this unfulfilled urge to “cuff” a dude or mark our territory. You don’t have to/need to do that, anything that’s worth anything can/will become that on it’s own. Forcing it is just going to push dude away and leave you looking stupid. Stop being naïve when you are “talking” to a guy and acting like you are the ONLY person he’s talking to. AND FELLAS, stop lying about the 20 females who you are all telling the SAME DAMN THING. People need to start being more 100% with each other and maybe some feelings can be spared in the end. Ladies, likewise, if you see he’s talking to 52 females and that’s okay FOR NOW, but you want something better in the future and you don’t think he has the potential to stop his lifestyle, stop wasting your time putting your faith and energy into something that you know isnt going anywhere.          

          And for the record, just cause a guy ACTS all “jealous” and like he “wants you to himself” doesn’t mean you are obligated to fall for it. That is just him fulfilling his own ego to see you get all goodly-eyed and think he actually cares. That guy who acts like you need to drop your life and become his ideal girl, try not calling him for 2 days, see if he notices? He’ll be too busy feeding his ego, building his “team” andddd NOT worried about you. There’s nothing that stands out more than a woman who can stand on her own two feet and will be doing the same with/or without him! I’ve OFTEN said “I’d rather be single, than go through what my friends in relationships go through” and until I find someone who sees eye-to-eye with me, holds me down like i hold him, and understands I’m not looking for some bullsh*t, bootleg, cliche’ fairytale—that is just what I will be. 

 

CONTENTLY SINGLE.